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Experiencing refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is declining your work, delivering a definite “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started pitching manuscripts five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with article pitches and numerous pieces. In the last two decades, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have only increased. On average, I face a setback frequently—adding up to in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Since, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Managed This?

A bit of background: Now, nearly everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 articles in a row before accepting one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives rejected a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would they be blind to my ability?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become accomplished.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Precedents

Naturally, I was in fine company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was initially declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his school team. The majority of American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

Then, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a similar piece, or have something underway, or simply be considering something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or maybe the editor believes I don’t have the experience or stature to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Or was busy and scanned my piece too quickly to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are within it. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my punctuation, especially commas, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle no at my age, because my, small accomplishments have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what insights have I gained?

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